It’s fall again. Not the fake fall of Arizona that tries to beguile us with its 80 degree weather. The fall of maples and Charles breezes and hot apple cider. The fall of biking down the Esplanade at 1 am with friends. The fall of falling in love only to have your heart broken. This fall has been filled with so many highs and lows, but for some reason I don’t regret a single thing.

The last time I had a real fall was my first semester of college. It was only two years ago, but it feels so long ago. I was an energetic, excited freshman who thought she knew what the world was like. How college students were supposed to behave. How to let loose and live freely. How naïve I was. Everything I thought I did right was wrong. I didn’t realize this in the moment of course.

I chose to live in a dorm not based on the people but just convenience to campus. I was shy and didn’t attempt to meet many classmates I’d be spending the next four years of my life with. I relied too much on a small circle of friends and didn’t make an effort to branch out. Not only that, but I judged too easily and harshly, further hindering me from forming those meaningful connections. I was too chaotic. I drank too much, couldn’t control myself, and descended into spirals of guilt every weekend. And most importantly, I didn’t realize that MIT was about community. I thought I found my MIT community, only to see it slip out of my fingers.

But that was two years ago. So many things have changed since then. When we were kicked off campus in freshman spring and I found myself back in my childhood room, I reflected on what I wanted at MIT and in my life.

It all boiled down to one thing: family. I wanted a home under the dome. I wanted people who could support me during midterm weeks and also stay up with me until the sunrise talking stupidly about not-so-stupid things.

Now for the first time, I think I might have found that. I changed so many things about myself since freshman fall. And I’m so glad I did. Overall I feel happier, less judgemental, and more open to new ideas. And the people. My favorite part about this fall has been the people.

My friend I met over the summer and who I didn’t expect to be close with during freshman year. We try to eat at every spicy restaurant in Boston. Another friend I avoided during freshman year and who is actually a very cool, down-to-earth person despite his exterior. An old friend who I can always go to if I ever need anything, even at 4 am. And lastly, a new friend who forced me on Costco runs, planned my birthday, and inspired me in so many ways.

All these people, plus so many more, have made me so happy this fall. I wish I had met them my freshman year so I had more time with them. However, I’m still glad I met them as who I am now.

It’s not the home under the dome that I imagined, but it’s home.